Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
