I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
