I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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