Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
