: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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