I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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