I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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