I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
