We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
