You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
