I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize