Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
