I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
