Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
