It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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