Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
