I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I think I am morally bankrupt
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize