I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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