we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize