I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
