She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It's shark week go big or go home
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
