now i know why i became what i already was.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
