You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
