I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
