my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
