they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My ATM looks so different sober.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
