I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
this just has baby written all over it
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
