Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
