I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
