The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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