he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
