she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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