So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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