hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
