He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize