I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
