Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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