Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
