Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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