I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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