my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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