I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
