my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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