Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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