Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I wish life had little blips of pornography
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
