hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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