New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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