Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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