my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
