Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
