I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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