Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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