I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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