i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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