Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
