cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
