Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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