If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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