in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
FUCK WHALES
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