Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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