Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize