oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm always down for nudity.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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