I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
