im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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