i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
