he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
