im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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