help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
