and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
